I have found that it is better to have a game plan. When the situation arises I can keep a level head and teach our children how to work through their disagreements while keeping their friendship intact. After all, if they do not learn to work through disagreements as children...they will grow into adult siblings who are not able to get along. We are doing them a huge favor by teaching them now. I know of families that the adult siblings are estranged because they could not work through arguments. It is truly sad to hear about. Friends come and go...family is forever. It is worth all of the effort it takes to show them the right way to argue and how to make things right and move on.
Since I am certainly not an expert, I did a little research to see what the experts might have to say. Below are two fantastic resources. One technique that our family uses, is discussed in the first article below. I started using this technique when I taught school, long before we had our children. It works wonders! Teaching communication is key to success.
Tattling Versus Reporting ~ an AWESOME article on how to handle these situations. I use her, "talk it out" method...all the time. It has helped our children realize that their siblings have feelings and what it means to respect each other.
Sibling Rivalry ~ Focus on the Family, several great suggestions to help with this subject.
It did not cross my mind that when I signed up to be a mother that I was also signing up to be referee, psychologist, counselor and life coach. As overwhelming as it can be at times, I remind myself that my Heavenly Father is right beside me guiding me all the way.
May God bless you as you raise arrows for Him! Blessings ~ Jennifer
Me TOO. We're thick in the middle of sibling rivalry and tattling over here and it's going to completely do me in. If I disappear completely, I was probably overcome by sibling rivalry!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to know when to draw the line and where to draw it. One example, in my attempt to encourage my children to take turns (for love's sake) I have somehow created a situation where all of my children are now very legalistic about whose turn it is -- AGHH!!
Thank you, Jennifer! Thank you for sharing these links. I like the one about teaching your children to actually talk it out. You would think that would be the first thing that comes to mind to do, but when your trying to break up a yelling match...oy! I agree, being prepared ahead of time helps keep me as mom...a little more levelheaded. Keep up the great posts...they help me so much.
ReplyDeleteThe way I cure tattleling is they have to document IN DETAIL in the "tattletail book". Once they write out the offense they have to write out how the offense should be dealt with. Not only does it teach great writing skills it also cures 99.99% of the tattle tailing. Lol.
ReplyDeletenice to know my kids are not the only ones being duct taped to the wall, I mean, fighting all the time. I really do not use duct tape, but laughed hysterically, outloud when I read that. I needed a good laugh.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I spend all my time dealing with one kid or the other as they come to me tattling. I guess we really do qualify as referees. I am going to try some of these ideas that I learned about in the links you shared. Please keep the information coming on how to help siblings get along...I can't seem to find that in the instruction book I got from the hospital...jk...lolol....
Ooooh, I actually REALLY like Merlyn's answer. Makes my brain get busy and come up with all kinds of ideas!!
ReplyDeleteLike:
1.) A conflict resolution chart (with pictures for the non-reader.) When they come to me with a conflict I can immediately point them to the conflict chart to try to resolve it themselves before I step in. The last step on the chart can be something like, "if you can't resolve this, take it to mom."
2.) If they come to me with a tattle and not with a conflict to resolve, bring out the tattlebook! With a form to fill out inside. Date, offense (just the facts), how it made me feel, how I think they feel, how should I respond to this situation (practical steps to take), a place to copy the most suitable bible verse (chosen from a list of verses at the front), list a few things to pray about and pray. I would go over it with them when they were done and pray with them, and then we may even add a shredding ceremony. Forgive them and let it go, shred it and give it to God. ;)
I like this idea for a lot of reasons. 1.) I keep trying to teach the kids that when they come to me I want to deal with THEM, and THEIR attitude, THEIR actions, THEIR sin, THEIR needs. What THEY need from me, not what the other sibling needs. (I'll deal with the other sibling about THEIR needs.) This will help with that. 2.) It will also be teaching them how to process their thoughts and to turn to scripture and prayer to help find the answer -- which is what they're going to need when they're adults, right? 3.) The 10yo isn't so great at putting her thoughts together while talking.. she has trouble forming her thoughts and she mumbles and almost stutters she hesitates so much. It might be helpful for her to write things down instead of trying to explain it to me. 4.) Like M said.. I'm sure it will cut down on the tattling if they have to go through that much "trouble" just to tell me what the other did - which hopefully will limit it to the offenses that they *really* feel offended by. (One can hope.)
I'm going to keep mulling that over, but I really think I'm going to do this!
Thank you for the compliment on my article, Tattling Versus Reporting. There are 101 articles, parenting handouts, and children's activities on my site that readers may find helpful.
ReplyDeleteSee http://www.kellybear.com .
Thank YOU, Leah for the wonderful article! I will definitely check out your site. Thanks for sharing it with us! Blessings ~ Jennifer
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